There are fucking traffic jams everywhere took me ages to get in. But have you noticed us British love queues? They are fucking everywhere, the post office, the bank, the supermarket, spearmint rhinos. You have to queue for everything that’s a necessity nowadays. It takes the piss though because you go abroad and you queue to get out of the country but when you’re on the way home the bastards can’t get rid of you quick enough. We don’t have a good reputation when we travel though do we, I mean the Germans get stick for leaving their towels on the sunloungers but it’s nothing compared to us because we usually nick the fucking sunloungers and take them home along with the towels. You can usually tell the British in the foreign airports because they have a full set of garden furniture and a matching set of towels with Mein Bratwurst ist ze best written all of them. But us brits love our queues, even if you stand around long enough in the street back home you are bound to get some twat come and stand behind you and once there is two of you everyone else joins in. We fucking love queuing for anything, we even build those stupid snaking things because we expect to queue. We go into a shop and instead of paying for staff to serve us they pay for a bollard system to guide the fucking queue we love so much. Have you noticed places like Alton Towers do an express queuing system where the rich can pay to get on the ride faster? I think that’s disgusting in a modern world like ours, we’ve abolished slavery, started the women’s rights movement and now this. I mean I don’t even think poor people should be let into theme parks let alone allowed to go on the rides. I’m only joking I love poor people, I mean what other reason do I pay my taxes for. It certainly isn’t the fucking NHS. I went in the other week to have my tonsils out after two years of cancelled appointments. Finally they managed to scrape enough money together by selling a few bottles of morphine down the local salvation army and could then afford to pay a polish immigrant enough to take out my tonsils with a rusty kitchen knife from ikea. I waited all day in the corridor and was then told that the only bed they had for after the operation was in the morgue. I waited and waited and then a nurse came up to me and told me my operation had been cancelled due to the Polish immigrant’s visa being invalid. They can afford to do fucking boob jobs on the NHS though. I know they are something that is incredibly important but are they more important than my tonsils? Well ok I’ll let you have that one seen as though the boobs will be beneficial to more than just one person. They always tell you to take some painkillers though. Broken leg, painkillers. Constipation, painkillers. Gonorrhoea, painkillers. I got to a point where I wanted to end it all though, I was gonna take 2000 asprin and be done with it. Problem was I took two and felt better. They should start doing hair replacements on the NHS though because as all men who are over the age of twenty will know once you reach that figure the hair from your head starts to fuck off. But mother nature doesn’t just think shit I’ll do something to piss this male off I’ll slowly make him bald. No that isn’t enough I’m going to put that hair somewhere else on his body that will fuck him off even more. Some in his ear, some in his nose, a bit adjoining his eyebrows together, some making his feet look like a hobbits and maybe a shitload to cover his neck and back. I mean come on, give us a break you aren’t only taking our hair you’re placing it in places where we don’t fucking want it. But that’s women for you, first they screw you in the bedroom, then they screw you everywhere else. As you can tell I don’t have a high opinion of women at the moment. I’ve just gotten out of a bad relationship where a lot of lies were told. I mean I didn’t find out until the third month that she used to be a man. She always told me that her Adams apple was in fact a boiled sweet she got lodged in her throat at an early age but I finally twigged after she told me she had flu instead of a cold. Have you noticed that? Men always get flu and women always get a cold. Bollocks. Women are just as bad as men when it comes to illness. Men are slightly different though because when a women has a headache it’s an excuse to not have sex. When men have a headache it’s an excuse to have sex. Well actually anything’s an excuse to have sex for a man. Seriously though we broke up because she cheated on me but I didn’t find out until a while afterwards. I saw some pictures of her with her new fella but it’s alright because she’s put on a hell of a lot of weight. I sent her a text the other day saying I knew our relationship was going downhill I just didn’t realise she was headed towards mcdonalds.