Does anyone understand american sport? I mean its all the same as english sport except they make it last twice as fucking long. Look at baseball, its the same as rounders but they make it last 400 innings and just keep batting until someone scores one. How is that fun? American football too, its just rugby but they wear pads cos they dont wanna get hurt. And every 2 mins they stop to have a rest, swap players, then crouch down and growl at each other telling them they are gonna kill them. Its pretty hard when your wearing a helmet, a chest pad, thigh pads, gloves and a jock strap. I mean what is a jock strap really? Does anyone outside america understand one cos i dont. Is it some kind of scottich underwear or does it actually protect your nuts? Its the same with everything in america though they always have to be bigger and better than everyone else. If they make a burger it has to have cheese and bacon on and the burger has to be a whole cow. If they build a block of flats it has to be the biggest motherfucking block of flats there is. And if they fight a war they have to take on everyone and then kill half the people who are on their side. I mean who came up with the name friendly fire? How friendly is fucking machine gun fire penetrating your body? I havent been shot but im pretty sure its not fucking friendly. But americans havent exactly got a great record in wars, they fucked up vietnam, only joined in a world war so hollywood had something to make films about and entered iraq with false information and shot most of their allies. How did george bush get into power then? Every american i speak to tells me they didnt vote for george bush, but somebody bloody did. He has given the world a lot of comedy though. I mean if choking on a pretzel wasnt funny enough he went on to fucking up every speech he did which was even funnier because it's all written out for him on a massive screen. But then again in england we pay presenters to do that all day everyday. People who work on GMTV have made a fortune from reading off a screen. Those people are annoying. In the morning you wake up and your pissed off because you've had to wake up and you've got the prospect of work to look forward to. The last thing you want is some fucker being cheery about something stupid like eggs or a man knocking on your door in the morning and giving you £6. Keith you bastard if i had known it was you i would have turned off the lights and pretended we were all out and now i've answered the door you've got me a massive novelty cheque for £6. How could my day get any worse?